Spring has arrived. The days grow longer, and as new growth sprouts it creates the optimal climate to start anew. It has been five years since I last undertook professional studies. Sure, I have attended the odd seminar or networking event during the intervening time but it’s five years since I last expanded my references and pushed outside of my comfort zone. The decision to go back to university was not made lightly, but I made it at a time before my personal life took a sudden U-turn. Such is life and whilst unplanned, it is positive.
Two weeks ago the orientation for my new university course commenced. I had plans of how I would approach it, allocate time and be focused. High hopes of myself. Then it came to crunch time and I started to read through the induction material and week one. What I had initially thought might be a 10 hour commitment per week, turned out to be a recommended 20 hours per week. Where am I going to find 20 hours?
Enter the internal questions of self-doubt that spoke loudly to me “You don’t really need to this, do you?”, “Life has changed so much, do you really want to throw this in?”, “How will you be able to do this, work and have a social life?” and…. Well, you get the picture.
So, week one down in the course and I actually had to do real university work. I’ve signed up to do it remotely as the course is offered out of Melbourne. However, while I used to be able to turn up to a lecture and wing it, turns out you can’t wing it when the dialogue must be written and posted to a forum. My working week was busier than usual and my best laid plans to allocate time and focus were blown out of the water. I really questioned my own abilities to do this.
Thankfully I recalled, the book Mindset by Dr Carol S. Dweck, in which she talks about people with a growth mindset, who constantly monitor their internal dialogue in order to avoid self-judgement. It was a timely reminder for me and made me ponder how to turn the uncertainty and fear of something new into a growth opportunity. Here is how I approached it:
Value the process more than the end result – this is fundamental for learning as the end result is a piece of paper, but the process changes the way you view life and business. Even when learning a new program or job activity, the process itself will have challenges and small wins. Search out those markers of progress to being one step closer to the end result. Which leads well to my next point on failure.
Persist after failure – mistakes will be made, that is the human way. Having a tight hold on perfection actually makes you more likely to give up, whereas accepting perfection as an impossible ideal, allows you to learn from your mistakes and move forward. In the case of learning something new, the more pressure you put on yourself to be perfect, the more likely you are to see yourself as a failure when you inevitably make mistakes. The truth is, failure often manifests from self-determined expectations. This only undermines your confidence, which can lead to more mistakes – a self-fulfilling prophecy that can cause a downward spiral. To avoid this, it’s better to accept mistakes as a valuable learning tool. For more on responding to failure in a business sense, check out my post on building strength from failure.
Harness the power of “yet” – Dweck describes two ways to think about a problem that’s slightly too hard for you to solve, are you not smart enough to solve it? or have you just not solved it yet? Focusing on the “yet” takes the pressure off. You will get there, you just haven’t got there yet. This is a great one to think about when career planning or a challenge you are facing. It gives you belief that you can be successful.
Share your vulnerabilities – vulnerability is courage. Just ask Dr Brené Brown – the fairy godmother of all things vulnerability, shame and courage. Adopting a practice of openness and awareness of your environment as well as your own thoughts and feelings can make you more aware of who you are. As much as it can make you lean into uncertainty, it brings more strength and certainty about what you want in life.
In my case, I reached out to someone close to me and expressed my waning confidence about whether I could fit my new study regime into my already full life. In all honesty I was probably looking for sympathy and hoping they might suggest I should delay the course. Fortunately, I received the best pep talk about how I could make it work and that they would support me to ensure we could do it. Even though the course work is all my own to complete, just knowing that I wasn’t going to have to go through it alone made the world of difference to me.
The moral of this post comes down to how we approach something new and changes that occur in our lives, be it in changes we have chosen to make, or changes thrust upon us. It’s in how we look for the good and how we can take positive action – this is where our energy and attention needs to go. Not in trying to control others or our external environment. For more on how to respond to an external change, have read of my post on 3 Choices when experiencing change.
Like many things anew, it may be difficult. As we often feel we are starting from the bottom and it’s a tall mountain to climb. Sometimes the uncertain feelings and challenge lasts for a short time or a long time, but you adapt, and you will grow to be a better person. Don’t feel you need to battle through on your own.
This post is dedicated to the special person who gave me that pep talk at the perfect time I needed it. I am forever grateful for your kindness and support.
Thanks for reading. Please feel free reach out to share your own experiences. Until then, lean into that new thing. Everything will be ok.