Clear and honest feedback is vital to creating a healthy work environment, boost productivity and achieve better business results. So why is it so often that managers are criticised for not telling staff where they stand? Or save up feedback for the annual performance discussion? Because giving feedback is hard. Having a conversation where it could create conflict or discomfort is often avoided. Some managers will put it off to avoid the stress and awkwardness of negative feedback. Whereas staff may hesitate speaking up because of fear of not being taken seriously or retaliation.
All scenarios where a stressful conversation is needed demands serious preparation to make it as effective as possible. Here are my five tips to take the stress out of stressful conversations. Which can be used if you must initiate the conversation as a manager or a team member. I have taken the theme that relates to a performance-based discussion, but they can be applied to activity or behavioural issues.
Determine if the feedback is deserved. Have you clearly explained what needed to be done and checked they understood it? Is the task within the person’s capabilities? Do they have sufficient time and resources to do the task? If the answer is no, then it’s a problem with your delegation or previous communication. To rectify this, have the conversation, but focus resetting expectations and seek to understand what you can do to support them to achieve the activity.
Stop putting it off. Yes, you want to be liked but there are situations where the other person may not even be aware of what has gone wrong. If it’s the first time you’ve asked for a meeting with the person, they may feel suspicious. My approach is to ideally have one ‘WIP’ meeting under your belt so when you introduce feedback it’s a not cold experience. Especially if you are seeking to foster a collaborative working environment.
Be prepared. The stress of stressful conversations stems from not being sure how the other person will react. If you need to deliver negative feedback, the other person may get defensive or upset. Whilst these are natural reactions. Your ability to deliver the message respectfully is your role as professional. In your preparation notes, outline the following:
Explain the general area you want to discuss.
Explain why it’s important to the business (stay away from making it emotive).
Provide a positive experience example. Such as “You are always so punctual, that really means I can rely on you”
Then describe what has happened in a non-judgemental way. In performance example “You are not meeting the weekly deadlines for your activities; this means that the team didn’t meet it’s target for the week”
Ask a calibrated question. This is an open-ended question starting with ‘how’ or ‘what’. Good examples are “How can we solve this problem? How do you think you went last week? What do you need to meet the deadline?” You are seeking for them to think about solving the problem themselves. If they are dismissive or defensive, use their response and reiterate what is happened and the impact. If they have said they “don’t know” you could respond with “seems like you don’t know how we can solve this, what could we do to work together on this?” Hello, active listening 101.
Gain a commitment for action. At the end of the discussion, summarise the actions and link back to why it’s important you covered at the start of the conversation. You may agree to formalise it with an email, at the very least, keep your own file note so you can remember what was discussed.
Obey the Golden Rules:
Avoid Friday afternoon. Mornings or early in the shift tend to be better, when everyone is fresh.
Coffee shops are not appropriate, conduct the meeting in the workplace. Meeting rooms are ideal, just not out in the open. Do not have the conversation whilst the person is sitting at their desk and you are standing up!
Keep tone light and positively geared.
Allow pauses so the other person has time to speak.
Practice what you are going to say. If possible, role play with a trusted colleague and plan out a few different scenarios about how the other person may respond.
Always remember, just open your mouth and say something. No one can read your mind.
This post was encouraged after hearing from a dear friend who was experiencing a challenging time at work. If you put the above in practice I would be interested to hear how the conversation went, feel free to email me direct.
Thanks for reading, if you are interested in more ways to Think Ascend, subscribe to my mailing list so you never miss content to grow your communication skills.